Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
