Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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