i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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