Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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