flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
