Only a mothe r could love this liver
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
