what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
