forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
