his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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