your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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