apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is Oprah even human
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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