I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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