If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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