it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
