just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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