Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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