I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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