we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
