so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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