theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
