I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
