I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
