did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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