Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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