ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
