the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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