remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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