so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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