I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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