How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
