She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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