If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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