sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
being pregnant is like rehab
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
