I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
