I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Of course I have a pirate flag
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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