he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
