I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
