I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
