She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...