This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.