lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.