I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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