you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
