I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
