Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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