fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
