I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
