o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
