the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
