I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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