What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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