his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
