you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
