Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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