what if every blade of grass was a penis?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
