For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
