she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
