The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
