I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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