My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
