Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
