i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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