everyone is single if you try hard enough
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My balls are so social today.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
