omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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