So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
