I wish I only lived at night.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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