I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
