where am i from again
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
