Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
