..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
