how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize