guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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