I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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