he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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