I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
