What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
