first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
