Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
