Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
