ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
