Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
